World's most expensive hand job?

June 27, 2010

 

Well, I made an appointment for Max to have semen taken for storage and later AI. He's still very fit at almost 13, clear of all the main genetic diseases, beautifully proportioned and a perfect gentleman.

So, I was at my neighbour's a few days before and said I was taking him for a very expensive hand job. Her teenage son's friend immediately asked if he could come too. We both pointed out that he probably didn't need to pay that much. My friend asked how they do it and I said, "I'll tell you after Friday." Lots of jokes about needing to take doggie magazines, plus ciggies and whisky for after.

So, I took Max up to Malvern and we queued behind 7 bloodhounds. (Didn't realise how huge they are. And how dribbly.) I was slightly perturbed to hear that semen had only been succesfully taken from 1. I thought, "No problem for Max, he's all over Nina and she's not even in season."

Anyway, we went in and there was this sweet little collie bitch standing there patiently as the teaser. Then it became clear what the problem was. She was way past her peak of season. Max was interested in the room, the people ... anything except the bitch. Even lifting her tail and sticking his nose there did nothing. I did discover the way they do it ... just exactly the normal way, except with a latex glove. She commented that Max has one testicle slightly larger than the other. I know this and take a photo of his back end every couple of months to make sure it's not getting any bigger. I told her that I have a folder on my PC called 'Max's back end' where the photos are, and she said my friend's son's friend would probably want to be in there too. Guffaws of laughter from both of us. Very surreal having a chatty conversation with the vet across Max's back as he was being, well, wanked. Complete waste of time, and still cost me £50, but an interesting experience.

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